My Poetry Collection

All of these poems are written by myself, and cannot be published our used without prior consent of myself. (the poems start with the most recently written (as a general rule)). I hope you enjoy reading them! :)

Great Need, Great Love

 

Oh Lord
How could you do this?
How could you allow this?
The endless onslaught of pain
The endless mountains
One after another.

Relentlessly Storms...
Batter against me
Trials popes me
With no rest
With no end in sight.

As soon as hope arrives
In an endings sight
Yet another trial
Yet another battle
Comes to challenge me.

Many times I have
Have been close to
Just giving in
Throwing in the towel
Much as I do now
The road just seems too tough.

Yet despite of this
Despite what you allow
One thing is true
You will never allow
Allow me to Quit.

Whenever I have been close
To just giving in
Always you come
And offered you hand
To lead me on

Often with you my Lord
Have I been frustrated
That no where I looked
Could you be found
Yet knowing you were there

I know that I need you
And always will
I pray you hear my cry
And meet with me tonight
In all your Glory

Father, please remind me
You are there
And all of my life
You have in your hands
And you have guided me thus far

Please Lord, Bring to my mind
All the Good and powerful times
That I have had with you
That these may bring me
The peace and comfort of the Lord.

Father
Please hear my Cry
Strengthen and sustain me
And show me you are near
So that I may rise in you again

Father
I ask for your Spirit to come
And bring peace and love
From the throne of Heaven
To soothe the pain within
And strengthen myself in you

I need you Father
Now more than ever
You know my mind
You see my heart
I ask that you provide for my needs

In the name of Jesus
Who died for me
All of this Lord
I bring to thee
So you may set me free!

My Grandma

 

Dedicated to Grandma- R.I.P

My Grandma

My whole life I knew you,
Yet know you I did not.
Time was stolen
Our paths ceased to cross....

Yet from what I do know,
Is that you, My Grandma,
I dearly Love,
And the precious moments,
I Shared with you,
Will always be close to my heart.

When I was a child,
Your face, full of beauty,
Filled me with happiness,
And peace,

Then, from that home I knew,
That world with you,
Was torn away.

Then one fateful day,
We finally met again
And again your beauty shone,
You kindness, and love
Burned as a blinding light.

Though since then,
Little of you I saw,
Which increases the loss,
The pain I now feel.

Knowing a relationship with you,
Can never be,
So I grieve for you and the bond,
That we might have shared, can never be.

But I will rejoice in the time we shared,
Little though it was
I shall rejoice that you feel pain no more,
And are now in eternal peace.

Grandma, I miss you,
The love I hold for you,
Forever you will have,
As your love has forged,
A place of honour in my heart.

Our God

 

When our strength fails
When our resistance falls
When all seems dark
You always bring the Light!
...

God you light the way
God you give us strength
      You are there
God you give us hope
You embrace us in Your love
You are our God

Day to day we fall from grace
Day to day we fight
Prayer is our weapon
Your Spirit is our shield!

You prepare the way
You bridge the gap again
So we can draw near
And Share in your Love

When the day of Judgement comes
When we meet face to face
I will have no fear of you
'Cause I'm accepted in your Grace!

Hearts Desire

 

God on High
Hear our prayer
Draw near to us
Fill our Hearts with love
We are Humbled
We give up Thanks
And accept the Grace
Given by the one ...
Seated upon the Throne
Jesus, our Saviour
The Debt we owe to thee
No Man can pay
Yet, freely you give
So to Thee, Jesus
Our lives we pledge to thee
To further your Kingdom
To share your Love to All!

The Haunting of My Past

 

The Abandonments Crushing,
Crushing out the spark
The spark of life

The spark that
That kept me so long
That I've been fighting
Fighting so long for ...

The fight has been hard
I've struggled for so long
Just to keep going
But the sparks nearly out

The pain is torcher
The darkness consuming
The torment of my past
Haunts me in the night

Only the haunting...
The haunting worsening
The pains slicing
Right to my very soul



My mind is distant
In a blur
A whirlpool of pain
Pain from my past

One i thought
I thought would stay
Has been driven to
To despair, by me

Which makes things worse
Adding to my burden
Which is already
Pushing me to despair

Yet that is my
My own fault
Yet i could mot help it
Its worsening the pain

I wish i knew
Knew what to do
Knew how to go on
With little conversation

Yet i know that
That God is there
Watching, guiding me
So i do not fall



In this knowledge
I know i cannot
Cannot fail
Because the lord has made it so

And by his strength
In his guiding spirit
Despite how i feel
I am in Gods presence
For i am following his path
The path he set for me
The path to His Eternal Kingdom.

A Prayer

 

Father, Hear my prayer
In my loneliness,
In my distance
Remind me that you are Lord.
...

Father
In my weakness
In my hollowness
Give me purpose
Lord
In my pain
In my terror
Bring me peace
Saviour
In my darkness
In my tunnel
Bring me light
Father
In my abandonment
In my confusion
Bring me acceptance
Lord
In my lostness
In my helplessness
Father please, bring me home
I ask all these and more
In the name of Jesus
And father i trust
You will meet my needs. 

The Light in the Darkness

Stars shimmer
The moon gleams
Shines of the
The surface of the sea.

The waves crashing
The sea roaring
Roaring in the dark...
Trying to consume

Consume and destroy.
But look to the Stars
Look to the Moon
They shall guide you

You through the Dark
The mystery of
Of the Moons light
just makes you stand in awe

The Night grows ever darker
But i am not afraid
For i look to the Moon and the stars

They bring comfort
For in there light
I see
See a glimpse of Gods beauty

This reminds me that
That in the darkest of
Of places
Light yet lives

Hope is found
Found in God
In his love
By his guiding light

Lord i thank thee
For giving the night sky
So i am reminded
That in the darkness
You light shines Eternal!!

The road to healing and restoration

 

Father God, i know you are there,
i know you hear my hearts cry,
You feel and share in my pain,
You are there helping me with this burden

This burden of Pain, Hurt and other emotions,
Which are resting on my weary soul,
These emotions and hurt are tearing me to shreds,...
Especially knowing the source of the hurt.

But when i come to you,
You give me strength to go on,
You give me wisdom to choose,
to be able to stay on your path.

The path you chose for me,
I know the path will be long,
It will be hard,
But you are there at my side.

In that comfort i know i can go on,
Although fir reasons known to you,
Complete surrender to you,
At this time i cannot do.

But in your perfect timing,
In obedience to you,
You will show me how,
How to give myself to you.

You will show me how,
How to let go of my emotional torment,
This Crushing Pain, and Hurt,
In your name i will be restored.

And with restoration, Healing also,
You will shape me to what you want me to be,
And i know it will be Good,
For all that comes from you is Good.

The Power of Worship

 

The darkness lifting,
The words of comfort surrounds
In the power of music,
Even the hardest of hearts will burst
...

Full of love, hope and joy
For the Lord our God,
The power of worship,
Can bring hope of Salvation
When the words grip,
The lyrics soothe
Then God will come,
And heal your broken soul
Maybe the time isn't right
Or maybe I'm not ready
All i know, All i feel
Is slight comfort, but nothing more
Healing and Salvation anew
Will certainly come
But when the heart and mind is ready
And when the will of God wishes it to be
All i can do is wait and ponder,
Ponder the gifts and strength given
To sustain me until then
Until all is right for me to,
For me to draw deeper in love,
And longing for you!

The Void

 

The dark void closes its grasps,
I have been set into its traps.
The loneliness and the pain engulfs me,
Until I'm nearly unrecognisable.
...

Day after day I'm struggling,
Choosing right from wrong,
Darkness is blinding,
The way out its Blocked.
There seems to be no escape

Memories swirl in torment
The past is with me
Yet i cannot hide from it
All i can do is accept them,
Accept and bear them
Or do I?

There is a way out
There is an escape
An undeniable hope

The hope found in Jesus
It gives me strength
Strength to go on
To fight the void
The darkness around

Until one day.
One day where victory,
Victory will come
But not in my own strength
But on God's

Without his love
I would not be here
Without his strength
Id have crumbled
But in his power
He has seen me through

And for this I am thankful
For this i know
I know  can go on
He will carry me
Carry me in the storm
For he will never leave

Despite it being so hard
Despite the darkness around
I know eventually
Eventually the power of Light will Shine!!

The Double sided Sword

 

Love is a double sided sword,
One is Rejection,
The other Accepted,
One gives Pain,
...

The other gives more.
Rejection can kill,
Accepted can blind,
One will take forever to get over,
The other you'll never forget.
It is all in the asking of the Question,
That dictates which strikes,
One will cripple,
The other will entrap.
Rejecting seems to follow,
Accepting always escapes me,
I'm losing faith in trying,
For the end is always the same,
Pain. Misery. Despair!

The Journey

 

Life is a journey, with an unknown destination,
from birth you alone and confused,
you spend you life searching for that you cant find.
Drifting through eternity, endlessly waiting.
...

You become lost and afraid,
looking in all the wrong places,
the answers are just at your fingertips,
but still out of reach.

In a fit of desperation, of hopelessness,
you distract yourself with earthly desires,
becoming lost in hollow pleasures.
These can never bring true happiness.

Yet there's a glimmer of hope,
while you still draw breath,
the answered behind the veil are revealed,
or become irrelevant,
depending on the question.

All questions lead to one true force,
The Savour of the World, God on High,
If you've searched carefully enough
You will find that in God you find what you seek.

He is your ultimate refuge, from the journey of life,
He guides and clarifies, yet without fully revealing,
the true majesty of His power,

For in God, your life is found, without forever lost.
So when the journey is slowing,
coming to a stop,
if you've found God,
you sure to be fulfilled forever,
if your not you'll be lost forevermore.

Life finally stops, your body still,
the ask yourself,
are you fulfilled or
Lost forevermore?

Just Hanging On

 

There are times where doubt overcome,
where you are engulfed by sin,
where pain and sorrow starts,
it starts to become all you know.
...

How can we get out,
where is the escape route?
how can i find it?
how long will it take?

Do i stand a chance?
or am i forever helpless?
and i doomed to be poor in spirit?
it seems its all for nothing.

Bu there i a blinding hope
Full of shame, and helplessness
i look to the Cross where Jesus died
all is forgiven, all is restored.

There is power in Jesus Name,
just we have to believe, and hope,
then we will find and see
You need to believe...

You may be on the brink of disaster,
or even submerged
you still have time to be rescued
just be patent, have faith
and all will be made right

Follow Jesus the best you can,
and you will be saved, restored, and forgiven
you cannot know true love and grace except that found,
that found in Jesus's name!!

Life....with or without?

 

Life comes with ups and downs,
Highs and lows,
good and bad,
right and wrong.
life and death,

it all seems meaningless,
so what's the point? ...
well we all have doubts, don't we?

Life is a gift, not a right,
Love conquers all,
not just an emotion.

God is our creator,
and creation bows to him,
so why don't we?

You may think if God exists,
how can evil?
i put to you,
how can love exist without God,
how can anything exist without him?

The meaning of life,
is to love and serve God
and with honour and grace
to do so for all the eternal days
in the wondrous presence
the presence of the Lord Our God
and our Savour Jesus Christ!!

For life Comes from God!!

 

When we are shown

 

When we are shown a love so great
when we are shown a love so pure
when we are shown such a rich love
when we are shown such a abundant love
we don't know how to react

when we are shown grace so big
when we are shown grace so large ...
when we are shown a changing grace
when we are shown a saving grace
we know not where to turn

God reveals all this to us,
and through this
we see this when we are shown
for he has given us
the way the truth and the life
Through Jesus Christ our lord!!

Even Though...

 

Even though you may feel abandoned,
Even though you may feel alone,
i want you to know,
there is someone there,
who will never let go!!

Even though your heart is broken,
Even though you may be torn ...
God is there,
waiting for you
he want to heal you

Just give him the chance and he will deliver,
God is behind the door to your heart
waiting and waiting for you to open the door!!
and when you do all those "even though"
will just melt away into nothingness!!

Daily struggles, long battle

 

Every day i am subject to
the same people harassing and bullying me,
Yet every day, i am strong enough to come back,
to face them, which brings a daily struggle.

Any good i do, people over look,
because there too busy in there ways,
yet they taunt and jeer at me, ...
not caring, not seeing what they do,
they do this at every chance they get,
Its horrible unfair, but that the way my life goes.

At home, i feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for,
i dread going back at the end of the day,
for i can have no refuge there,
i dread this as much as i dread school in the morn'
my life's a living nightmare, i wish it were a dream
so i can wake up,
yet i never is,
But im still determined
to go and see the raging battle through.

My rock is my faith,
for there i can find peace and refuge,
there i feel loved and cared for,
My God is the only one there for me all the time,
i long for the day he returns,
so then i can truly know happiness and peace.

These last few lines i say to you,
times may be tough,
but stay strong,
find a rock and cling onto it for dear life,
for without that you'll have nothing
and will wither away and die inside,
and become a living shell.

Jesus is an inspiration to my heart and soul

 

Father I thank you for all you have done for us
He takes away the fear suffering and sin.
Jesus is an inspiration to my heart and soul
I can never repay the debt I owe to you
Jesus light of the world
You have shown us the light which
I now follow
You protect me from evil ...
And keep me from harm’s way
When I am doubtful you give me hope
When I suffer you give me peace
You are the one I aspire to be!
You are my hope my saviour my friend
All I want is to meet you face to face
When I do I will be in complete awe of you!
You gave your all for me
You pour your love and grace over me which
I am grateful for but I am unclean and not worthy of these things let alone to be in your presence for all of eternity
But you give them willingly so I gracefully accept

 

 

 

Much needed rant.

I wonder sometimes how much people really care about me, and my troubles, even my family members. It doesn't help that due to being in the care system im not close to anyone, especially my Dad, who I struggle to build up a relationship with after he left us to the care system (not of his own will, but on the day, it felt like he was abandoning us (me and my younger brother and sister)) And since then I don't feel that he puts in much effort to help with this, and I feel that since ive come out in wanting to be a woman that my Dad has gotten worse with contact, and when I told him, he responded like he would respond to a friend and not to his eldest child, which hurt, especially after all that happened.

There are a couple of friends who I can tell anything to, and that I trust more than I do anyone else (and by a couple I really mean two) however one is always busy and can only message once a day, and the other I really only talk to in person, but that's once every few months, which really doesn't help at the moment, as I just feel more and more isolated and unwanted by people. As I try to message people and start conversations and some just ignore me and others just don't talk much, so I just feel like giving up with that, but at the same time, im always fooling myself by thinking and hoping that they will reply, however sometimes people do reply, but by that point I just fel so lonely and isolated, im not actually wanting to speak to people as I feel like theres no point to it (which is kinda contradictory I know but that's how I feel).

And more often than not, this has a massive effect on my mood, as nowdays, im feeling really vulnerable and emotionally unstable. Im constantly feeling depressed (I really hate saying that I am, but I cant say im not) and I can feel anxious about doing the smallest things, like answering the phone at times, or even just going out to get something I need. (if I have the money), also changes can make that worse unfortunately. Also im feeling stressed all of the time, which makes me tired a lot, however I cant sleep much or well in all honesty. Also im scare and feeling lost a lot, and im also scared that ill go back to self harming, which im terrified of doing as I hate it. But I know its something I could lapse back int, and I don't want to do so, and im honestly not sure I can afford to. Especially now ive nothing to do to fill my time, and that ive nowhere to be, I have no distractions from everything that im having to deal with, and that frightens me, as its only making things worse, and ive no idea what to do to fill my time and to distract myself. And it now being the Christmas season, im feeling lonelier and worse still.

I went to the doctors about all of this (the emotional side) and they gave me a coice of counselling, medication, or perhaps both, however, with the medication, ive always been against taking it, and only considering it due to how bad things are, especially as I feel im constantly losing a part of myself each day. and ive tried counselling before and it had limited to no effect, but its something that could work, and both together might but im not sure, and im not sure which is the right choice for myself to take. and in the state im in, its a decision I just cant make, and I already feel overwhelmed and stressed with everything as it is, let alone with this decision to make. I just feel like im lost at sea drowning and with no signs or hope of rescue, with the sea ever getting rougher, with storm clouds brewing over head. I just don't know what to do anymore. I cant give up, as there is no way of doing so, and I cant carry on as ive nothing else to give, but I cant stay were I am, as that will only worsen matters, so im out of options, and little time to decide, yet I have no workable options left.

Sorry for the rant again, I just needed to get my feelings out.