How?

Lonliness crushing my heart like a vice,
Joined with depression and anxiety too,
No matter how hard I try,
I cannot keep the pain inside,

Pain from abandonment,
From many different times,
Pain from the gaping,
Gaping failure that is my life,
Pain from reminders of,
Of everything I've lost.
I can't hold it in much longer.

Even now as tears fall,
As my cries escape,
I try to keep it all inside,
All bottled up,
Not only out of fear,
But because if I don't,
I don't know how I'd move on from it,
Not with my life as it is now.

Isolation is creeping in,
Some accidental,
Some not my fault,
And some just my depression
Depressession getting in the way.

And now,
Seeing post in Facebook,
About the start of uni,
Honestly,
That makes things harder still,
And makes my failures,
Failure over keeping
Keeping the pain at bay,
And letting the depressession win.

All this crushes me,
Deeper that I can express,
Deeper than I know.
Whilst I sit in the dark and alone,
I ask myself,
How can I move on from this?
How can I be free from my past?
How can I be free of this pain?

I do not wish to erase the past,
But just to stop it's influence,
Influence on my life now,
And with little support,
Little hope,
How to achieve this,
I just don't know how.

I just don't know how....