The Dams Breaking

Tears stream down my face,

A symptom of the pain within,

And a sign that the dam,

Dam holding emotions tide,

The dam is starting to break.

Every move forward I take,

Seems to come with three steps back,

With the struggle,

Against my pain, against my past,

Grows harder and harder each day.

All I want is for this pain,

This pain to end, and the tears to stop,

And to let myself truly feel again.

But don’t yet see the light at the,

The end of the tunnel yet.

As hard as I try,

I cannot hold back the tide,

And every day the pain grows more,

Pain over lack of progress,

In both mental health,

And my transition,

Every day without progress,

The pain grows ever stronger,

And the weaker I become

I really need a break,

Break from the pain,

From my thoughts,

Yet rest-bite, seems,

Seems just out of my reach

Right now,

I’m fighting against,

Against causing more pain for myself,

And the crushing weight of my emotional burdens,

Squarely on my chest.

And I don’t know how to appease It,

Although I’ve carried it for so long now

The long fight has left me,

Left me drained, and exhausted,

I’m running on fumes,

And with nowhere to refuel in sight.

And I’m just here, wondering,

Why do I even bother at all?

                                                   

The last thing I want to do is give in,

Yet, what I can do I do not know,

My past, present and future,

All in different ways,

Frighten me.

So now I just wait and see,

Which will come first,

The bursting of the dam,

Or the progress I so desperately,

Desperately want and need?