Afraid, and Alone

Unloved, uncared for,

Are emotions that,

That constantly haunt me,

All stemming from,

From the fateful day, 

In which my family abandoned me,

And left me to be, 

Afraid and alone.

Since that day,

Often I’ve felt rejected.

Rejected and alone

And foster care,

And past friendships,

Has only reinforced this.

I know, in my mind,

That my friends,

Friend’s currently in my life, 

Do care, and don’t reject me,

But my heart and emotions,

Are forever in conflict with this,

Always asking,

Asking “until when?”

This is why,

Why I’m constantly afraid,

That my friend’s will leave,

And abandon me, 

Like many have in the past;

As abandonment is my biggest,

Biggest fear and downward spiral,

And I’m afraid that this fear,

Causes me more harm than good.

Also, not only in friendships,

But in crushes,

All I’ve ever know is rejection,

In one form or another,

So with, 

With my already fragile self esteem,

And body issues.

This also just makes me feel,

That I’ll forever be alone.

I wish, I wish,

That I could see hope,

In both of these,

But looking forward to the future,

All I see is pain,

Pain from the past,

Ever repeating,

And that lack of hope,

Sends me ever deeper,

Deeper into the downwards spiral.

I do hope,

Hope and pray,

That one day this will change,

Even though,

How, I do not see,

I hope to have,

Have reason to hope once again.

Until then,

All I can do,

I’d hope that I’ll not be,

Forever alone.

Written by

Natalie (myself) xx