Fleeting Hope

Life all around me flow,
Leaving me behind,
To watch the currents flow,
And wallow in my patch of darkness.

Seeing posts of peoples happiness,
Happiness, accomplishments and just good times,
Whilst often being happy for them,
Also tears me up inside.

Thoughts of my own failings,
Failings, fears and loneliness dwell,
Along side much, much more,
Escape from it all I cannot do.

Fleeing is no option either,
As the pain lies deep within,
Then what can I do?
To soothe the wounds within?

That I do not know,
Nor do I know,
Why, oh why.
Do I drive so many away?

Both of those questions,
And one more (that I cannot tell)
Lay deep on my heart today,
Like an all consuming fire in my mind.

All the time my mood,
Mood only fluctuates from,
Being not so great to,
To being torn up inside,
With only the rarest gleams of hope.

However the hope, and happiness,
Are often to fleeting to grasp,
So whilst I’m waiting for the help I seek,
All my strength is fighting the battles within.

But that strength is failing,
So only time will tell which,
Which will win out,
But from where I stand now,
I cannot tell.

Nor can I tell what failure might,
Might resemble.
So I fear, fear I may be trapped,
Trapped in this battle,
Battle without end.

But I hope that an end will come,
And that my loneliness lifts,
My depression fades,
And old wounds heal,

But until that day,
Forever trapped,
With little yet crucial help,
From those I hold dear,
I just hope it is enough.

So now all I can do,
Is wait and wait,
With my pain,
With my loneliness,
With my past,

Until the day,
That one way or another,
It all fades away,
All I hope, is that hope wins out

Written by

Natalie xxx